Wendy: How could a sex dream with Pip possibly start normal?
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Wendy: I just have one thing I have to know. Was Pip packing?
Lacey: The seventh grade called, they want their maturity back.
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Wendy: At my confirmation I prayed I would one day grow up to kill a vampire. And now I can.
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The Middleman: Dubbie, I can’t help but notice you seem to have rent appendages on your brain.
Ida: That’s the hippie lettuce talking.
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The Middleman: If you want to help Mr. Noser right now, you’ll dedicate yourself mind, body , and soul to preventing undead creatures of the night from rising from the grave to suck him dry.
Wendy: You don’t talk to other humans much, do you?
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The Middleman: If a vampire offers you soup, what does that mean?
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The Middleman: Dubbie, did he just turn into a bat puppet?
Wendy: Man, I don’t even have an opinion.
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Wendy: I’m not sure Vladdy’s gonna start biting anyone just yet.
Ida: Look, it’s trying to think.
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The Middleman: I know it hasn’t been easy wiping the vision of Mr. Noser’s agonizing dismemberment from your mind.
Wendy: And thanks for putting it right back in.
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Dr. Judd: We don’t get many visitors from the Department of Education.
Wendy: Well, if you can teach the criminally insane, you can teach anyone.
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Ida: (to Wendy) No pressure, hon. I fully expect you to fail.
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Vlad the Impaler & Elizabeth Rousset: Minions of the night, rise from your sanctuaries of sleep to feast on the blood of all mankind!
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