Weekly Fang Girls: Allyson & Kelly’s ‘The Vampire Diaries’ Bite

Hello, and welcome, to our suck-ulent weekly feature surrounding one of our favorite vamp-tastic shows: ‘The Vampire Diaries’! We can’t get enough of vampire shows involving insanely attractive people, and can you really blame us?

So, if you’re a ‘TVD’ fan and are obsessed with the bloody good show, then be sure to join us weekly, where we’ll not only provide a roundup of every episode, but also break down what each Mystic Falls character is up to that week. Like, why can’t Jeremy be shirtless in every episode? Or, are all vampires/werewolves/hybrids/witches beautiful creatures?

Sit back, relax, and get your vervaine and blood bags ready for our weekly ‘TVD’ installment. Warning: spoilers follow, so if you have yet to tune into this week’s episode, "Total Eclipse of the Heart," get running like a vampire’s hunting you.

Elena/Katherine:

-Katherine deleted all Damon photos from her cell phone and set a shot of her and Stefan as the new wallpaper. LOL. Are we in college or middle school? Either way, it was great.
-Stelena fans probably loved the Elena-Stefan dance scene. I mean, I’m a hardcore Delena fan and even I have to admit it was nice to see these two re-connecting like that…even though it’s actually Katherine and not Elena. Boy is this thing is going to get complicated.
-Katherine giving a classic eye-roll upon realizing she’d have to pretend to care about Jeremy’s safety = hilarious.
-Speaking of hilarious, Katherine’s response to having to give Jeremy mouth-to-mouth after he’d been suffocated by Enzo was simply perfection. (“Ew.”) I guarantee she’s the only girl who’d ever say that about lip-locking with Jeremy.

Damon:

-The “monster” is back, and I need more going off the deep end Damon. Like Damon said, he’s better like this. After all, that means we get the Damon and Enzo aka Denzo bromance. Now, that’s something I can get on board with every week.
-Nothing like a little killing to get Damon back in the murderous vampire game. From Aaron to assisting with Diane to almost killing Jeremy to poor Joey at the end, Damon is on fire. I think it will only get worse from here on out, especially now that he’s infected with the “cannibal vampire poison,” right?
-Last, but definitely not least, it’s time for Damon’s one-liners and catchiest phrases (seriously, I could write a book he’s so witty and sarcastic): “I’m here to kidnap your boyfriend!”; “Or what? You’ll glare me to death?”; “This makes me so happy I’m not 19 and stupid.”; “Hello, witch hotline.”; and “Karma’s happening to me.”

Stefan:

-Let’s talk about how loyal and caring Stefan is this season to Damon. Not only does he try to protect his brother from Enzo, but he tells Katherine/Elena he doesn’t want to lose the person Damon’s become (thanks to Elena). Damn Stefan, you’re such a good guy. We need more of you in the real world.
-Stefan looks good when he gets all overprotective of Damon, like when he beat Enzo with a shovel and called him “mate.” Too bad he didn’t use a sexy accent. Maybe next time.
-So, the whole Caroline as Stefan’s “potential love interest” definitely came up this episode. 1. They needed to dance at the “Bitter Ball.” 2. Yes, I love Klaroline, but these two really need to take their “friendship” to the next level, stat.
-How long will it take for Stefan to figure out Elena is actually Katherine? Basically, his heart is going to get screwed with...again.

Caroline:

-Major props to Caroline for playing massive interference between Katherine and Stefan. Seriously, she could not have interrupted them more and it was amazing. Was it done intentionally? Out of jealousy, perhaps? The writers are definitely setting her up to be the next big obstacle between those two.
-I was sad to see her shred Klaus’ horse drawing at the Bitter Ball — a great theme, by the way. (Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!) It really does seem to be the end for those two, unfortunately.
-Regardless of how much they despise each other, I love Caroline and Damon scenes. Their witty banter is spot on.

Tyler:

-Once again, we have brooding, drunk Tyler -- and I like it! If he doesn’t want to drink alone, I’m free, even if it is to obliterate the memory of Caroline and Klaus doing it in the woods (though, really, why would I want to forget that?)
-Tyler’s line of the evening: “Do you want a shot? I want a shot! Let’s do shots!”
-Like Tyler, I too forgot he hooked up with Matt’s mom. Oh how Tyler’s changed.

Matt:

-Poor Matt…being a vampire’s cheat sheet regarding an ex-girlfriend doesn’t sound like the funest way to spend one’s time. However, participating in that drinking game is an entirely different story. More Tyler-Matt-Nadia drinking parties, please!
-He may not be supernatural, but his deductive skills where very impressive this week. Though Elena’s closest friends (and exes) can’t detect that she’s different, Matt figures out that Katherine has taken up residence in Elena’s body. Well done, Matt! Or should I say, Sherlock?
-I love this guy, but he really should be fired from the Mystic Grill, right? I mean, he’s serving underage friends (Tyler) alcohol in the middle of the day AND drinking on the job. Not exactly employee of the month material.

Jeremy:

-Oh hey, remember Jeremy? Yeah, he’s still on this show, though you wouldn’t know it with the sad excuse for a storyline he’s been given lately. And when he does appear, he’s being used as a bargaining chip for Damon and Enzo. But I guess that’s what happens when your sister breaks up with her emotionally unhinged vampire boyfriend.
-Also, dude was a vampire hunter. Don’t tell me he couldn’t find a way to get out of those rope binds.
-He wasn’t shirtless once during this episode. What gives?

Bonnie:

-This is the one time I wished I could be in Bonnie’s shoes (well, I want to be her every time she’s with Jeremy). Seriously, who doesn’t want to be called “Bon Bon” by Damon?!
-Bonnie just might have a future in teaching newbie witches how to channel their magic. Paging Miss Bennett, your bewitching occult class is waiting.
-Damon threatening Bonnie brought me back to the good old ‘TVD’ days. Memories.

Enzo:

-And here is my latest favorite addition to ‘TVD.’ My mate, Enzo, who also happens to have a mesmerizing accent.
-No wonder Enzo and Damon are BFFs. Not only is he “the one who gets people to do things they don’t want to do,” but he, like Damon, doesn’t hesitate when it comes to killing. Diane is definitely a “dead end” now.
-The one time I don’t like Enzo? When he lays his hands on Jeremy and “suffocates” him. Not cool, Enzo. Not cool.
-To add to the many great lines of the evening, here’s Enzo’s: “Okay. I can see how this might be a problem.”

Nadia:

-Since Nadia doesn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon, let’s talk about her. She’s got some serious mommy issues. You can tell she doesn’t want to constantly use Matt or cause any more trouble. (Remember how she adamantly encouraged Katherine to save Jeremy’s life?) She just wants to hang out with her mom. Does Mystic Falls have a therapist? If not, then the town should definitely invest in one.
-Then again, Matt-sitting certainly doesn’t seem like the worst job in the world.
-It’s unclear what exactly she’s going to do with Matt now that he knows the truth about Katherine, but let’s hope there’s another threesome involved. Road trip to New Orleans, anyone?

Be sure to come back next week for another installment of 'Weekly Fang Girls,' and definitely don't miss 'The Vampire Diaries' on Thursdays at 8/7c on The CW.

-Written by Allyson Koerner (Damon, Stefan, Tyler, Bonnie, Enzo) and Kelly Schremph (Elena/Katherine, Caroline, Matt, Jeremy, Nadia)