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Series 5 |
| 40 :05x01 - Series 5, Episode 1 (Oct/24/2004) |
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In a hair-raising Top Gear, Jeremy had to eat more than his words, Richard did something naughty to an ice-cream van, and the RAF dropped by - literally.
The Porsche 911 Carrera S had a ride so rough it could turn your bones to dust. That said, the rear engine and near perfect weight balance made it hug the road the way Lycra® clings to a gymnast.
We once showed a concept Vauxhall and Jeremy said: "If the finished version looks like that, I'll eat my hair". To our surprise, the new Astra did. So Antony Worrall Thompson dropped in to help Jeremy eat a wonderful dish we called 'hair omelette'. (Please don't try this at home.)
Each summer, parents up and down the land dread the high-pitched twinkling sound that ice-cream trucks emit. The choices are twofold: you can either listen to children's demands until your ears bleed, or give in to the little scallywags and spend 3 million quid on ice cream for them and whichever snot-nosed friends happen to be destroying your house at the time. We decided to try to jump an ice cream van over a handful of bouncy castles. The result was terminal for the vehicle.
We also packed Jeremy, Richard and James into cars from Australia, the US and Britain, and sent them to Pendine Sands in Wales. The cars were the Vauxhall Monaro VXR (Australian), a Chrysler 300c (American) and, holding up the British corner, the Jaguar S type R, which made a somewhat dramatic entrance by way of an RAF Hercules. After a day of comprehensive thrashing through sand and water, the team all agreed: the Monaro was the clear winner.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series5episode1.s | | Guest Stars: Bill Bailey (1) as Himself | | | |
| 41 :05x02 - Series 5, Episode 2 (Oct/31/2004) |
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On a psychedelic Top Gear, Jeremy worked out an innovative way to get hold of a Ferrari Enzo, and we put the spawn of Thatcherism through its paces.
There weren't many cars that we hadn't been allowed to take out for a spin. One was the Ferrari Enzo. You can't just pitch up at a dealer and expect to buy one; Ferrari has to invite you. And, because it costs half a million quid, the firm wasn't keen to lend us one. We had to find someone who was.
Pink Floyd drummer and master author Nick Mason was the man. By sheer coincidence, he happened to have a new book out. It was probably the fastest car we'd ever seen.
Skateboards don't have a lot in common with cars. We wondered what sort would be able to race one. Well, there's such a device and, apparently, when you push it down a hill, it does a very decent job of beating a Mitsubish Evo. But would it be able to out-run a Bowler Wildcat, or would our teenager end up with mud on his face? Well, they say mud's good for the skin. It was close, though.
It has to be said that some of the best cars ever produced hail from the Thatcher era. But would a 15-year-old McLaren F1 be better than a 2003 Ferrari Enzo? Or would the Jaguar XJ220 be quicker than a Pagani Zonda? The answer to both questions is yes.
But which would be the best car? Well, good though the Ferrari Enzo is (and it is excellent), it was beaten by its older brother - the F40, which lacks the F60's onboard computer, which frankly makes the whole thing a much more exciting drive.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series5episode2.s | | Guest Stars: Geri Halliwell as Herself | | | |
| 42 :05x03 - Series 5, Episode 3 (Nov/07/2004) |
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In a Chelsea-tracker-boys Top Gear, a Viper put tyre to road and wrote its name, while Jeremy took a Discovery up a decent-sized hill.
Usually, 4x4 cars are found clogging up Chelsea and Kensington. It's a rare day that you see one on a bit of mud. A little-known theory is that there are two types: those that look like they could go off-road, such as the BMW X3, and those that can go off-road, such as the Land Rover Discovery.
The Disco' was a car with a proud off-road heritage. So could the new one prove it isn't a waste of the 4x4 badge? The answer was yes. Jeremy took one up a hill in Scotland. And of course, this being Top Gear, it wasn't just any hill, but one that no car has ever been to the top of before. To our surprise, the Discovery took to the hills like a duck to water. It got to the pinnacle and, although it needed some burly men to give it a shin up from time to time, we were impressed.
Joanna Lumley took the Liana out on our track to show what an absolutely fabulous driver she is.
The old Dodge Viper was made out of bits that Dodge had left lying around, such as bin bags, bits of railway and lorries. The new Viper was different. For a start, it was given the snappy name the SRT-10. It featured exciting new automotive developments, including, but not limited to, 'windows', 'a place at the back to put stuff', and 'a roof'.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series5episode3.s | | Guest Stars: Joanna Lumley as Herself | | | |
| 43 :05x04 - Series 5, Episode 4 (Nov/14/2004) |
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In a totally conkers Top Gear, James and Richard came in for a bit of a fright, while Jeremy decided which supercar he liked most.
The Pagani Zonda roadster was pretty good. Although, with a price tag of more than £400,000, you'd hope so. The car belongs to the 'smile' club: it's impossible not to have a Cheshire cat-style grin on your face.
We introduced 'caravan conkers': caravans hanging from steel cable and huge cranes. Top Gear's desire to rid the world of them was given a huge boost.
Jimmy Carr proved the Suzuki Liana is no laughing matter.
Smart claims it based the interior of the ForFour on a living room. The only way to test it would be to see how it performed as one. The rules were simple: Richard and James had to spend 24 hours in it. They weren't even allowed bathroom breaks. Despite the mental torture, the car went down quite well. They found it roomy and light, and not a bad drive. The only problem was the price.
If money were no object, which would you buy: a Ferrari 575 or Aston Martin Vanquish? There's the distinctive style and effortless brilliance of the Ferrari (your inner child's desperate to drive one). The Aston, meanwhile, makes you feel like James Bond. It's exciting, one of the best-looking cars on the planet, and goes like a stink.
Jeremy and fellow petrol-head Steve Coogan voted for the Aston. Technically, it's not quite as good; it's heavier and a bit slower. But you don't feel stupid when you're stuck in traffic. Moreover, while your inner child yearns for a Ferrari, it wants to be James Bond even more.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series5episode4.s | | Guest Stars: Jimmy Carr (1) as Himself | | | |
| 44 :05x05 - Series 5, Episode 5 (Nov/21/2004) |
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On a Europhile Top Gear, the Nürburgring took its toll, and Richard was busy inventing a new sport...
The story of the people carrier began with the Renault Espace. For a long time, it looked like Renault had lost its mind. It sold nine in the first year. But over time, the Espace became a common sight on UK roads. While you wouldn't necessarily associate people carriers with racing, that didn't stop us from having a go. You see, we were bored by F1 and felt there was a gap in the racing calendar that needed to be filled.
So we got some of the finest drivers and put them in a selection of the best people carriers known to man. The drivers did their best, but somehow the vehicles didn't seem to have what it takes. First and second places went to the Renault Espaces, though.
The M6 Toll road has described itself as 'the most exciting development in British transport history for many years'. Well, sorry to break it to you guys, but the Germans have taken toll roads to a whole new level of exciting. Imagine being allowed to take your car for a spin at Silverstone. That's what Nürburgring does. You can drive as fast as you like around a one-way racetrack.
So, what better way to test the diesel engine in the Jaguar S-Type than by trying to get it around in under ten minutes. Jeremy's 'course coach' found the whole thing jolly amusing, and didn't seem to think he was up to the task. Thankfully for his pride, Jeremy proved her wrong.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series5episode5.s | | Guest Stars: Christian Slater as Himself | | | |
| 45 :05x06 - Series 5, Episode 6 (Dec/05/2004) |
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On a cheap-but-not-so-cheerful Top Gear, Richard, James and Jeremy saw what sort of Porsche £1,500 buys you, and weren't impressed. And a member of the public got to have a spin on our track.
What would you do if someone handed you £1,500 and told you to buy a car? Most people would pick up a well looked after Fiesta, or a Polo. When we buy second hand, we aim for the top. So we told James, Richard and Jeremy to each buy a Porsche for as little money as they could cobble together.
We then got them to perform a number of challenges. Of course, Jeremy went totally over the top and bought a 928, which was a bucket of bolts. James did much better. While he lost 'cool points' for buying a white car, his 944 was the second-most reliable. Richard trumped them in terms of reliability. His 924 was powered by a truck engine, and therefore could probably survive anything.
Ultimately, there were no winners. James' car blew up when the Stig drove it; Jeremy's blew up on the way down to Brighton. And Richard painted his a stupid colour. Our conclusion: you really can't get a decent Porsche for £1,500.
When Billy Baxter wrote and asked for a go on the track, we couldn't resist. Billy had just one slight disadvantage: he's blind. He made it round in a touch over 2 minutes, which beat both Terry Wogan and Richard Whiteley.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series5episode6.s | | Guest Stars: Cliff Richard as Himself | | | |
| 46 :05x07 - Series 5, Episode 7 (Dec/12/2004) |
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On a little and large Top Gear, we took a look at a huge American 'muscle' car that might just manage a corner, and an electric car with less get-up-and-go than a lethargic teenager.
We sometimes get criticised for smacking the environment around the chops with a barrel of oil. It's not our intention to hurt the planet and its fluffy bunnies, though. So we thought, let's have a look at the Toyota Prius, which was a new hybrid car containing both a standard petrol engine and electric motor.
The theory is simple: use the electric motor for city driving, and the proper engine for motorways. First, the petrol consumption was awful. It managed less than a diesel Lupo, which defeats the point. What's worse, it was slower than a diesel too, which is really bad news - unless driving above 30mph scares you.
The Mustang is another of those American 'muscle' cars the US loves so much. We wouldn't be surprised if somewhere in mid-America there are people getting married to them. To be fair, the new one looked amazing. It had a hard edge that made it look tough, in a John Wayne sort of way. If it could grow stubble, we suspect it would.
But the Mustang wasn't perfect. The engine sounded like it had a smoker's cough. But you felt like a real man (or woman) behind the wheel.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series5episode7.s | | Guest Stars: Roger Daltrey as Himself | | | |
| 47 :05x08 - Series 5, Episode 8 (Dec/19/2004) |
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On a downhill Top Gear, Jeremy thought his Ferrari would beat a plane to Switzerland. James, in a Mitsubishi rally car, raced Richard in a bobsleigh.
On the face of it, racing a Ferrari 612 against a plane to the Swiss Alps might seem a bit pointless. But Top Gear doesn't play it safe. Jeremy set the climate control for a pleasant 23°C, then headed to Dover. Meanwhile, Richard and James took a long walk to the bus stop and waited. Finally, after a bus ride, train ride, bus ride, then a 90-minute wait to check in, the intrepid duo were in the air.
What followed was a thrilling race across three countries, which ended with Jeremy turning up as Richard and James tried to find the finish line. Needless to say, it was in this final stretch that driving a car was a distinct advantage. Not only does it keep your bottom warm, it goes quicker than a man who refuses to run on television.
Bobsleigh racing consists of four men jumping into something that looks like a bath tub to hurtle down a mountain on sheet ice. The laws of physics dictate the bobsleigh will find its way to the absolute bottom, even if it turns upside down. Which would be a pain in the neck for the people in it.
Perhaps the only thing dafter is letting a crazy man drive you down the same mountain, on the same sheet ice, in a Mitsubishi Evo. It was not a huge surprise when James nearly made the profanity filter in the edit suite explode.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series5episode8.s | | Guest Stars: Eddie Izzard as Himself | | | |
| 48 :05x09 - Series 5, Episode 9 (Dec/26/2004) |
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On a mid-life-crisis Top Gear, Richard declared a 25-year-old Mercedes G-Wagen to be the best car ever, while Jeremy had his face pulled off.
The Mercedes G-Wagen is an ex-military vehicle. AMG, the custom-tuning division at Mercedes, got hold of one and added a bit of 'bling', then tweaked its performance to resemble an angry bee. The result was a military-strength chassis with more bling than your average rapper, and the performance of a sports car.
Take the kids to school in it, and it looks good. Take it down to the pub, looks good. Take it to the moon, looks good.
Imagine you are 40. You've been married for ten years or so, have a couple of kids, and a stable job. You know what that means? Yes, that's right, it's mid-life crisis time! It's the time when men (and, indeed, women) buy a motorbike or sports car, and get all whiney about having wasted their life.
Well, if you don't like motorbikes, there's another option. The Ariel Atom's like a motorbike with four wheels, which means it's hard to fall off. According to Jeremy, this is how driving should be: fast and close to the ground. You can get one for around £20,000, too, which means your wife may not actually leave you in revenge.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series5episode9.s | | Guest Stars: Trinny Woodall as Herself, Susannah Constantine as Herself | | | |
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