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Series 4 |
| 30 :04x01 - Series 4, Episode 1 (May/09/2004) |
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On Apocalypse-Now Top Gear, a helicopter with guns on, a race against the clock, and mildy moist conditions - what more could you ask for?
The Top Gear offices are famous for two things. The first is the shouting, especially when Richard's defending his shirts or the Porsche 911. The second is stupid wagers.
Jeremy, James and Richard argued about who could make it to the south of France first: Jeremy in an Aston Martin DB9, or Richard and James on a 200mph train. So we started them at the Top Gear studio in Surrey and told them to get to Casino Square, Monte Carlo. The rules were simple: Jeremy couldn't use any trains, and James and Richard couldn't use any sort of car (coaches were allowed)...
Our star in a reasonably priced car was credited as 'Whore, scenes deleted' for her work Frankenstein. She can also claim to have been part of the phenomenon that's Cold Feet. That's right, it's Fay Ripley.
We invited the Army over for a cup of tea and asked if they would mind bringing along an Apache gunship helicopter. The Apache has 12 hellfire missiles, two rocket launchers, and a machine gun that can fire 650 rounds per minute. So, the challenge: Jeremy had to drive the Lotus Exige around our track, and stop the Apache from getting a weapon's lock. Simple.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series4episode1.s | | Guest Stars: Fay Ripley as Herself, Vinnie Jones as Himself | | | |
| 31 :04x02 - Series 4, Episode 2 (May/16/2004) |
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On a fat-gold-chain Top Gear, the Cadillac Escalade showed us how it's done by rappers, and we made a nun drive a monster truck.
Jeremy and James say you can't be considered a car enthusiast until you've owned an Alfa. What they lack in reliability they more than make up for in bling. Now, you've probably seen the videos: attractive women gyrating, fast cars and deep beats. It turns out they're all singing about one thing: the Cadillac Escalade. Odd, because it does something stupid like 300 metres to the gallon, and the interior looks 'like a wheelie bin'.
It's a rule in the Top Gear production office: each week the person who comes up with the most outrageous idea gets off making the tea. This time the idea was so silly we couldn't resist doing it. The result? A monster truck, a nun, and a row of cars. Did Sister Mary rise to the challenge? Of course she did. After all, she probably had God on her side.
Even James got in on the act of being 'bling' when he took Lady Penelope's car from the Thunderbirds film out for a spin. Except there wasn't much spinning going on; it's hard to spin a car that's 8m long. But it did have an amazingly cool automatic roof and door-opening mechanism.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series4episode2.s | | Guest Stars: Paul McKenna (1) as Himself | | | |
| 32 :04x03 - Series 4, Episode 3 (May/23/2004) |
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On a shirt-raising Top Gear, Jordan showed us it's possible to drive with your airbags fully deployed. Richard drove an American icon, while Jeremy got his pants in a knot.
A £100 doesn't buy you much these days. It's probably just enough to fill up your petrol tank twice, or buy a really good pair of hair straighteners. So when we told the presenters to buy a car for less than a 'ton', you can imagine what they said. To their credit, they managed it. Jeremy bought a Volvo, James grabbed an Audi, and Richard a Rover. Then we sent them off to complete a number of challenges. Three walls and one broken bone later, Jeremy came out the winner, which made the others l-o-s-e-r-s.
Now the Dodge Charger's a bit of an icon. It's the original muscle car made famous by the film Bullitt and, of course, its striking good looks. So, could you drive one today? Well, they go for about £18,000 in good condition, and drink petrol. But this is a classic and, as Richard found out, pretty good, even by today's standards.
Taking a break from her busty schedule, Jordan joined us fully clothed (sorry lads) to take our reasonably priced car out for a spin. But was it a deflating experience?
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series4episode3.s | | Guest Stars: Jordan as Herself | | | |
| 33 :04x04 - Series 4, Episode 4 (May/30/2004) |
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On a good-sport Top Gear, we raced a Street Ka against a racing pigeon. We played darts with cars, Jeremy attempted to drive 800 miles on one tank of petrol, and Ronnie O'Sullivan came and snookered us.
Jeremy went all green! Diesel cars are well known for their brilliant fuel economy. That's why the Americans refuse to drive them. So we wondered just how good is a diesel engine? Could Jeremy drive an Audi A8 all the way to Edinburgh and back on just one tank? It sounded absolutely insane. Even Audi laughed at us when we told it what we were doing. "Zis car can't go 800 miles on one tank of ze petrol," the firm said.
We pitted a Street KA which had the best satellite navigation system we could find, against a professional homing pigeon. The result? Well, let's just say the pigeon looked very smug.
On the whole, sport involves a lot of running around and getting hot and sweaty. There's only one sport that requires absolutely no physical prowess at all: darts. So we thought: how can we work a game of darts into Top Gear? The answer was simple. We replaced the fat, beer soaked, tattooed arm with a pneumatic cannon, and the darts with cars. Hey, presto! Car Darts. Just don't ask why.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series4episode4.s | | Guest Stars: Ronnie O'Sullivan as Himself | | | |
| 34 :04x05 - Series 4, Episode 5 (Jun/06/2004) |
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On a get-down-and-dirty Top Gear, Johnny Vaughan and Denise Van Outen blew up our reasonably priced car. We attempted to fry Richard with lightning, and got some cars really, really messy, while Jeremy got in an MG and smoked a pipe.
We thought it would be a jolly good idea if we tried to kill Richard with a large amount of electricity. So we made sure the BBC insurance policy hadn't lapsed, borrowed a Golf, and stuck him and his shirt in a huge lightning generator. The look on his face when the first bolt hit was priceless.
Then we decided Jeremy needed to take a look at what remains of the British motor industry. The MG ZT - a Rover 75 with a Mustang engine stuffed under the hood - was what we got. To our surprise, Jeremy didn't hate it. He didn't like it much either.
Johnny Vaughan and the ever lovely Denise Van Outen came along to take a spin in the reasonably priced car. Sadly, Johnny broke the Liana before Denise got to have a go.
Now, the BMW 6 series had been accused by some (Jeremy) of being the most abhorrent creation yet to be spewed from the guts of the company. But is it any good on the beach? Jeremy, James and Richard went to the edge of the island to race a Porsche, Jaguar, and the BMW. They got them really dirty, but winner was clear: the Jag rules.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series4episode5.s | | Guest Stars: Johnny Vaughan as Himself, Denise Van Outen as Herself | | | |
| 35 :04x06 - Series 4, Episode 6 (Jun/13/2004) |
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In a house-of-the-rising-sun Top Gear, Richard found an American car that goes around corners, James decided the worst car Jaguar ever built was the best British car ever, and Jeremy drove a cube.
Now, Japanese television has always made the rest of the world laugh. Its crazy antics are always cropping up on 'The world's most idiotic game shows 3'; and 'How to kill yourself during a quiz'. But the cars they chuck out are the cornerstone of reliability. Toyota has for years proved it's possible to bolt a car together for £9,000 and still make it last for 3 million years. So Jeremy took a look at another Japanese manufacturer's car: the Nissan Cube. Trust us, the name described it perfectly.
Jaguar used to be a British company, which meant that, although the cars were great in theory, in practice they were made out of rubbish and invariably fell apart within the first two years. However, James discovered that the most striking Jaguar of all, the XJS, can be refitted and made into something approaching a decent motor.
Our guest Terry Wogan made the Nissan Cube look fast.
Cadillac specialises in cars for people who are about to die of old age. It also has an interesting sideline in cars that look like a complete idiot designed them. But the CTS is one of the few American cars that's capable of going round a corner without sliding into a ditch.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series4episode6.s | | Guest Stars: Terry Wogan as Himself | | | |
| 36 :04x07 - Series 4, Episode 7 (Jul/11/2004) |
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On a going-for-a-song Top Gear, Lionel Richie could have probably driven 'all night long'. James and Richard took to the streets of south London to give two tall hatchbacks a good thrashing, while Jeremy drove a Mercedes with more power than Superman.
Imagine if you took all the torque in the world and shoehorned it into a car - what would you end up with? Well, Jeremy seemed to have found the answer: the Mercedes CL65 - a car with so much power you could probably use it to travel through time. However, it turned out that even this car couldn't beat the enormous power of an eight-man tug-of-war team.
No doubt most people have had the pleasure of being in a private mini-cab. These marvels of technology have several defining traits. First, one or more of their shock absorbers must be completely broken. Second, the internal cabin temperature must never drop below 75 degrees celsius. Third, the car must never, ever exceed 25mph.
The other thing about cabs is that they have a hard life; drunk people clutching kebabs certainly takes it toll. So it was with this in mind that Richard and James ventured forth with their new super-sub-tall-family-micro cars: the Ford Focus C-Max and Renault Scenic. Could these cars withstand a night on the tiles, or would they buckle under the pressure? The conclusion? Well, simply put: don't waste your money. The boys reckoned these cars aren't much bigger, or more resilient, than their 'standard' counterparts, and they cost up to £2,000 more.
The Top Gear studio welcomed Lionel Richie - a man whose music is iconic, lives in a staggeringly huge house, and never gets rid of a car.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series4episode7.s | | Guest Stars: Lionel Richie as Himself | | | |
| 37 :04x08 - Series 4, Episode 8 (Jul/18/2004) |
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On a fly-like-a-bird Top Gear, we abused a jet engine and 2CV, Jeremy took the Ford GT for a spin, and James went for a ride on a nimble mountain goat.
So you want a saloon car with good looks and an executive feel, but the performance of a racing supercar when you get out of the city. Well, enter the Maserati quattroporte. Sounds exciting? Actually it just means 'four-door'. To make this car even slightly interesting, it needs to be taken to a mountain or very bendy road.
Martin Clunes came round to show us his lead foot.
It does 575mph, can carry 386 people, and there's enough room on its wings to park 45 cars. What are we on about? The Boeing 747. 'But,' we hear you ask, 'how does that make my evening any more interesting?' The answer doesn't have much to do with flying, but it does involve breaking some stuff - specifically, a Citroen 2CV and Ford Mondeo. Our mission: to see if our two hapless automotive volunteers could survive a drive through the jet exhaust.
Jeremy took the latest Ford GT production model out for a spin and, more importantly, so did the Stig.
There are two things that are absolutely guaranteed to rattle the chains of good drivers. The first: idiots who drive along in the middle lane in an ignorant haze of poor driving skills. Second: people who drive into yellow box junctions when they aren't turning right and just stop, as if they're waiting for the second coming. The best way to punish the latter is to embarrass them. Armed with a couple of placards, some cheerleaders, and a couple of 'yellow box bears', we did just that.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series4episode8.s | | Guest Stars: Martin Clunes as Himself | | | |
| 38 :04x09 - Series 4, Episode 9 (Jul/25/2004) |
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On a thrill-seeking Top Gear, Richard and James went on a convertible testing excursion to the top of Scotland, while we answered the question on everyone's lips: can you parachute into a moving car?
'Roadsters' are a properly British thing - sporty little two-seaters for zipping around country roads. They're as much a part of this country as ugly, fuel-guzzling SUVs are part of America. So what makes a good roadster? Richard took the Mazda MX5, Toyota MR2 and Fiat Barchetta out. Big surprise, the Japanese had done it again.
He was thrown out of the SAS for misuse of Her Majesty's explosives. He found the hitherto Lost City of Ubar, and walked unsupported across the Antarctic. Sir Ranulph Fiennes was our star in a reasonably priced car.
Feeling slightly ambitious after our chat with Sir Ranulph, we decided it was time to have a crack at the dare-devil game ourselves. We took a light aircraft, a man, another man, a car and a parachute, put them all together - and what did we get? That's right, an attempt to land a parachutist into a Mercedes travelling at 50mph.
Roadsters aren't for everyone. So what do the women and hairdressers get? That's right, the cabriolet. These tend to be slightly more practical, but quite a lot more expensive. But they offer room not only for a hairdryer, but creature comforts such as curling tongs, eight bottles of shampoo and five types of conditioner. So, who better than 'The Shirt' and 'The Hair' to test convertibles from Audi, Mercedes, Vauxhall and Mini up in the wilds of Scotland.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series4episode9.s | | Guest Stars: Ranulph Fiennes as Himself | | | |
| 39 :04x10 - Series 4, Episode 10 (Aug/01/2004) |
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On a size-is-everything Top Gear, James went on a Bargain Hunt, and Richard drove a lean, mean, American machine.
Pedestrians just bounce off it gently, trees inhale super-clean exhaust fumes, and it's got a mouth bigger than Jaws. But the Peugeot 407 is French, and therefore automatically cool, regardless of how daft it looks. It has all the toys corporate owners demand. Hammond did something most reps won't and took it to a racetrack, stuck a light on the top, and used it as a safety car. It worked magnificently.
We sent James out on a mission: take the king of all estate cars, a Volvo, and bring back something nice to sit on. James discovered it didn't have any boot space. But that didn't stop him from finding a 'nice' sofa that did fit. Let's face it, interior design isn't exactly his forte.
We took a look at an American classic, the Corvette. The suspension was too hard, but it was preferable to the usual bouncy castle system the Americans seem to enjoy, and had another of those interiors that looks like it's been fashioned out of old ashtrays.
Most of us have seen the school-run mums with their enormous 'off-road' vehicles. Most of us have shouted some sort of abuse at them. So when BMW announced the X3, several of us took a deep breath and held back the tears. It's not the car for you if you need to use your spine, or have any plans to drive on short grass.
Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/episodes/series4episode10. | | Guest Stars: Patrick Kielty as Himself | | | |
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