Ned: It's not like I walk around reviving childhood sweethearts willy-nilly.
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Charlotte: Is this strange?
Ned: This is not strange. Unusual, maybe. Eccentric in a quiet way like dessert spoons.
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Narrator: At that moment, the Pie Maker felt a mixture of happiness and trepidation.
Ned: Why is it always a mixture?
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Olive: This isn't Pies 'R' Us, Pie City, or Thousands of Pies in One Place. This is a bells-on-the-door, pies-baking, mom-and-pop place. We chit chat here. (glares at Emerson) Chit!
Emerson: (deadpan) Chat.
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Ned: What's great about knowing? When you lift up a rock, do you find whipped cream? No, you find bugs. I say "no" to knowing.
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Charlotte: You don't like dead bodies, do you?
Emerson: Not when they sit up and talk.
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Olive: What’s the poop?
Emerson: “The poop”?
Olive: Poop. Scoop. Skinny. The haps. The dillyo. The 411. P.I. lingo.
Emerson: Rhubarb.
Olive: What’s that mean.
Emerson: PI secret code for “Get me a damned slice of rhubarb.”
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Charlotte: I don't know anything about you since you were nine.
Ned: Well, it's pretty much I bake pies and wake the dead. I live a very sheltered life.
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Bernard Slaybeck: (a corpse) Why is everything so blurry?
Ned: Probably because your eyeballs are flat.
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Ned: Can we not say kill? I touch them again is all and they snap right back to the way they're supposed to be.
Charlotte: Am I the rubber band that broke?
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Emerson: I'm not God, but if I was I'd be an angry God.
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Charlotte: Isn't that what a PI's supposed to do? Investigate. Isn't that the fun part?
Emerson: The fun part's countin' my money in the bubble bath.
Ned: Nice image.
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Ned: I hate secrets too.
Charlotte: What? You love secrets. You want to marry secrets and have little half-secret, half-human babies.
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Emerson: I will pay both of you not to have this conversation in front of me.
Chuck: It’s not in front of you, is it? It’s to the side of you and behind you. (looks at Ned)
Ned: You can’t ride in the front, Chuck.
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Ned: (seeing Emerson's fake security badge) Where'd you get that?
Emerson: Contacted the company that makes these doors under false pretenses. They gave me a sample ID badge which I digitally altered using the magnetic code that matches the serial number of this machine. Is that cheap?
Charlotte: (shows her fake security badge) I don't know. Is this? I gave the security guard a hug goodbye. My upper body distracted him while these things I call "hands" took this off his belt.
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Charlotte: We haven't seen each other in like 20 years, don't you want to know about me? I want to know everything about you.
Ned: Look, we've all done things we're not proud of, we all have secrets.
Charlotte: What secrets?
Emerson: (pointing) Skeletons in the closet.
Ned: Exactly. How long have you been listening?
Emerson: There are skeletons in the closet.
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Narrator: Mark Chase's attention to detail and gift for planning had served him well as a CEO, and now again as a murderer.
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Emerson: Can't this car go any faster?!
Charlotte: Some car of the future this is!
Ned: I thought cars of the future were supposed to fly! What the hell happened to flying cars?
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NL (
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