Callie Esterhaus: This is probably the best night of my life. I could die right now. I really could.
John Hannigan: Funny you should say that.
| Adrian: I think this is my armrest, and that one's yours.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, we're supposed to share.
Adrian: Where are we, Russia now?
| Natalie: Why don't you just use the men's room like everyone else?
Adrian: I wish you could hear yourself sometimes.
| Stottlemeyer: Where the hell's Randy?
Natalie: Oh, I sent him out to get a newspaper.
Stottlemeyer: You? You, you sent Randy out. Well, who are you, the new police commissioner?
Natalie: The morning edition comes out at midnight. They're gonna review Julie's play.
Stottlemeyer: For the love of god, he's a police lieutenant, not a bellhop. Maybe he is.
| Disher: We, uh, found a date book in her apartment. She referred to a man by initial--J. Does that mean anything?
Miranda: Maybe his name began with a J?
Stottlemeyer: Did you just write that down?
Randy: I put a question mark after it.
| Adrian: You've become obsessed with this review.
Natalie: Look who's talking.
Adrian: That's true. Okay, I get obsessed too, but I can handle it. I've had years of experience.
| Adrian: What's this?
Natalie: A check for $300. I'm hiring you, Mr. Monk. I need your help. I can't do it myself.
Adrian: Oh, this check's no good.
Natalie: That's sweet of you to say, but...
Adrian: No, I mean it's literally no good. You can't cover this.
Natalie: Sure I can. I just deposited my paycheck on Wednesday.
Adrian: Right. But I happen to know that that check is going to bounce. So this check is pretty much worthless.
Natalie: You wrote me a bad check? How could you do that?
Adrian: I might ask you the same question.
Natalie: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Your check was bad first.
Adrian: Natalie, there's no right and wrong here. It's all tangled up. One check, another check. It's like the chicken and the egg.
Natalie: No, it's not. There... there's no egg here. there's no egg. This is all chicken.
| Adrian: All right. all right. I'll take a look. You can just owe me the money.
Natalie: You owe me the money.
Adrian: Why don't we just call it even?
Natalie: How is that even?
Adrian: Oh... If I have to explain that to you, I'm probably paying you too much.
Natalie: You're not paying me at all.
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