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Jeeves and Wooster
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| Title: | Jeeves Saves The Cow Creamer |
| Episode Number: | 6 |
| Season: | 2 |
| Season Episode #.: | 1 |
| Original Airdate: | Sunday April 14th, 1991 |
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Aunt Dahlia is determined to get a silver cow creamer for Uncle Tom, but Sir Watkyn Bassett beats her to it. So Dahlia enlists Bertie to steal the creamer for her. Bertie is reluctant to get involved in the matter, having had some past experience with Sir Watkyn, but it seems he has no choice in the matter.
Arriving at Tottleigh Towers, Bertie finds Gussie once again on the outs with Madeline Bassett, and himself blackmailed by Stiffy Byng, who also wants him to steal the cow creamer so that her finace, "Stinker" Pinker, can seemingly find it and impress her uncle, Sir Watkyn. Roderick Spode has different ideas, and warns Bertie off, threatening bodily harm if anything happens to the cow creamer. All seems lost until Jeeves puts his mind to the matter, discovers some evidence to get rid of Spode, and manages to settle the matter of the cow creamer to the satisfaction of Aunt Dahlia.
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| (Spode is giving a speech)
Spode: And three: the compulsory scientific measurement of all adult male knees! Not for the true-born Englishman the bony angular knee of the so-called intellectual, not for him the puffy knee of the criminal classes. The British knee is firm, the British knee is muscular, the British knee is on the march! (his followers applaud)
| Aunt Dahlia: Your Uncle Tom's been having a bad time lately with his collection; everything he's tried to buy, that blasted Watkyn Bassett has pipped him at the post! If he can get this thing cheaply, it may save him from an early grave.
(Jeeves clears his throat)
Aunt Dahlia: You have one of your wonderful ideas, Jeeves?
Jeeves: If Mr. Wooster, while sneering, could imply that the object is probably of modern Dutch manufacture, then the vendor might be the more inclined to lower his ambitions.
Bertie: Why Dutch?
Jeeves: The Dutch, Sir, while an admirable people in many ways, and renowned for their domestic hygiene, are not considered to be of the first rank in matters of argentine craftsmanship.
Aunt Dahlia: (to Bertie) Well, you heard what Jeeves said; now, run along and sneer!
| (a police officer chases Bertie into the Drones Club)
Porter: I shouldn't go in there if I were you, Officer.
Officer: Oh no? (opens door)
Drones Member: New arrival!
(they all pelt the Officer with dinner rolls, knocking him over)
Porter: (helping the officer up) Come with me, Officer. This way... come along.
| Bertie: Send a telegram canceling that last telegram!
Jeeves: Ah, I haven't sent this one yet, Sir.
Bertie: What? Well, get moving, Jeeves! Get them both off at once.
Jeeves: Yes, Sir.
| Stiffy: Bertie, I think you're a pig!
Bertie: A pig, maybe; but a shrewd, level-headed pig, a pig who was not born yesterday and has seen a thing or two.
| (Jeeves explains the rules of the Ganymede Club to Bertie)
Jeeves: Under Rule 11, each member is required to supply the club with full information regarding his employer's past and present. This not only provides entertaining reading, but also serves as a warning to those members who may be contemplating taking service with gentlemen who fall short of the ideal.
Bertie: Did you tell them about me?
Jeeves: Oh, yes, Sir.
Bertie: What, everything? The night I came home from Pongo Twizzleton's birthday party and mistook the standard lamp for a burglar?
Jeeves: That episode is a particular favourite with members, Sir. They like to have these things to read on wet afternoons.
| Bertie: Well, what happened, Jeeves? Has Spode got a secret?
Jeeves: Indeed he has, Sir.
Bertie: Tell me all, Jeeves.
Jeeves: I fear I cannot do that, Sir. The rules of the club regarding the dissemination of such material are very rigid.
Bertie: Well, what was the bally use of going then?
Jeeves: It's only the details of the matter that I am precluded from mentioning, Sir. I am perfectly at liberty to tell you that it would greatly lessen Mr. Spode's potentiality for evil, were you to inform him that you know all about Eulalie.
Bertie: Eulalie.
Jeeves: Eulalie, Sir.
Bertie: You're sure you can't go any deeper into the subject?
Jeeves: Quite sure, Sir. Were I to do so, it is probable that my resignation would be called for.
Bertie: Well, we wouldn't want that, of course.
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