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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia :: Charlie Got Molested (01x07)
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Episode Information |
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| Title: | Charlie Got Molested |
| Episode #: | 01x07 |
| Production Number: | IP01002 |
| Original Airdate: | Tuesday September 13th, 2005 |
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Episode Summary |
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Mac and Charlie's high school gym teacher has just been accused of molesting students in the past. The gang notices Charlie's strange reaction to the news, and they conclude that he was also one of the victims. Mac feels insulted that he was not molested and goes to confront the teacher. Dennis and Dee try to help Charlie cope with the situation, but they have different ideas about how to approach the situation.
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Guest Stars |
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Main Cast |
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Episode Notes |
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Episode Quotes |
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Dee: (about the child molester) Did this guy teach you guys?
Mac: Yeah.
Charlie: No.
Mac: Yes, he did. We were in the same class.
Charlie: No. Yeah, well—no, I didn't like it, though.
Mac: What the hell are you talking about?
Charlie: I didn't like that class.
Mac: What?
Charlie: I gotta go! (he runs out)
Dennis: Holy shit. Charlie got molested.
| Mac: OK, look at this. (holds up a picture of him as a young boy) Look at this guy, huh? I was cute. I was energetic. I was fun. I mean, what exactly was this prick looking for?
Dennis: What are you—
Dee: Sorry?
Mac: If the McPoyles got blown, and Charlie got blown, then why didn’t I get blown?
Dennis: You’re goin’ to hell, dude.
Dee: Seriously.
| Dee: I actually majored in psych, so—
Dennis: Yeah? Well, you failed all your classes.
Dee: So?
Dennis: And I had a minor, and I passed all mine, so I think—
Dee: OK, well, you know what? Three quarters of a major is a lot bigger than a whole minor.
| Charlie: Where's your brother, dude?
Liam: We just stepped out of the shower. He'll be down in a minute.
Charlie: All right, li—listen. You guys can't go— (pauses) Did you just say "we"?
Liam: What?
Charlie: Did you just say, "We just stepped out of the shower"?
Liam: I said "he."
| Charlie: You guys cannot go to the police and say that he molested you.
Liam: Why not?
Charlie: Because he didn't molest you!
Liam: That's true, but he's a dick, and we hated him.
| Charlie: First of all, there are people out there who actually have been molested, and you guys are gonna exploit that for your own personal gain? You assholes are securing your place in hell.
Ryan: We've thought about it. We're willing to roll the dice.
| (Mac grabs Murray's inner thigh)
Murray: What are you doing?
Mac: What do you want me to do?
| Mac: If Murray was looking for the weakest he could find, it wouldn't have been Charlie!
Dee: Why not?
Mac: Because Charlie was a little bit of a psychopath. He had this thing when he got excited. His face would turn purple, and he'd just start biting things. I don't think Murray would have put his dick anywhere near him.
Dee: OK, what about the McPoyle brothers?
Mac: Oh, yeah, they were prime real estate. I'm sure he went to town on them.
| Ryan: (referring to Charlie's intervention with his family) I think that went well. You did a wonderful job, Charlie.
Liam: I really think they bought it.
Charlie: Oh, yeah, definitely. I—you know, I gotta say my favorite part was at the end there when, uh, when we were all hugging, and my sister screamed and told everyone that I touched her vagina.
Liam: (laughing) Yeah!
| Charlie: Excuse me, I'd like to, uh, speak to the detective, please.
Police Clerk: Name?
Charlie: Charlie Kelly.
Police Clerk: And what is this in reference to?
Charlie: Sodomy.
| Charlie: Oh, uh, and the best part of it actually for me now is the fact that everybody thinks that I've been molested, so, in a way, my life is ruined. Uh, in the mean time, I'm gonna go in the back office and cry and cry and cry and drink for a while. (he walks away with an armload of alcohol)
Dennis: Emotional release. Another giant step forward.
Dee: My God, we're good.
Dennis: Doctor.
Dee: Doctor.
(they clink their beer bottles together)
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