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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia :: Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person (03x09)
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Episode Information |
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| Title: | Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person |
| Episode #: | 03x09 |
| Production Number: | IP03002 |
| Original Airdate: | Thursday October 11th, 2007 |
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Episode Summary |
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Dee's new boyfriend, Lil' Kev, is a local rap celebrity. He's also retarded, according to Dennis. Mac figures that if a retarded person can become a famous musician, what's stopping them from doing the same thing? He, Charlie, and Frank form their own band in hopes of becoming local celebrities, though creative differences could disarray the band's state of cohesion. Meanwhile, Dee tries to figure out her boyfriend's state of mind.
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Guest Stars |
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Main Cast |
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Episode Quotes |
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Charlie: (about Lil' Kev) You know, you never know, though. He could have like a little hand or like a little foot or something.
Dennis: Well, I doubt he'd wanna call attention to something like that by calling himself Lil' Kev.
Mac: That could be his thing. Biggie Smalls was fat...
Charlie: Yeah, he was big and small, you know? Likeâlike I guess his head was small but his body was big, so this guy could have like a little hand and a giant body.
| Dennis: Is his name Kevin Gallagher?
Dee: Yes.
Dennis: Holy shit. No, that guy's retarded.
Dee: Well, you're retarded.
Dennis: No, Dee, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying he is an actual retarded person.
| Dennis: You guys don't even play instruments.
Mac: OK, well, that doesn't matter, does it? Because it's all about rocking and looking cool and kicking ass.
| Dennis: When are you seeing him next?
Dee: I'm picking him up in like an hour.
Dennis: You're picking him up.
Dee: He doesn't drive.
Dennis: Ooh, uh, that's funny 'cause people who aren't retarded usually drive. Retarded: one, normal: zero.
| Mac: (stopping the band) Why are you not singing?
Charlie: Well, uh, it doesn't sound very good.
Mac: Well, then huff some glue
Charlie: Uh, I've been huffing glue, guys.
| (Mac throws Charlie's chair to the ground)
Charlie: Stop, dude! What are you doing? That's my good chair.
Mac: That's your good chair?
Charlie: Yeah.
Mac: It's covered in bird shit.
Charlie: No, (laughs) that's toothpaste, man.
Mac: That's clearly bird shit
Charlie: No, it's not. It's toothpaste.
Mac: Do you even own a toothbrush?
| Frank: Hey, where's your suit?
Mac: I'm not wearing the suit, Frank, because it's lame, and you look like a pussy.
Frank: That defeats the whole purpose. I mean, the idea is to trick the moms into letting the kids bop with us.
Mac: It's not the fifties anymore, Frank. The kids aren't bopping anymore. They're banging each other and doing meth before they hit grade school.
| Mac: (in response to Frank's idea for a band name) No, we are not the Pecan Sandies, all right? We are Chemical Toilet because chicks want guys that wear tight pants and tattered clothing and spit blood, not guys dressed like waiters who name themselves after desserts.
| Charlie: (singing) Nightman, sneaky and mean, / Spider inside my dreams, / I think I love you. / You make me wanna cry. / You make me wanna die. / I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, / I love you, Nightman. / Every night you come into my room / And pin me down with your strong arms. / You pin me down, and I try to fight you. / You come inside me and fill me up, / And I become the Nightmanâ
Mac: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Charlie! Hold on a second. I mean, the first half of that song was kinda cool, but what's with the second half?
Charlie: It's about the Nightman like, you know, like filling me up, and I become him. I become the spirit of the Nightman.
Mac: But it sounds like a song where a man breaks into your house and rapes you.
Charlie: What, dude? Where are you getting that from? All right, no. (singing) It's just two men sharing the night. / It might seem wrong, but it's just right. / It's just two men sharing each other. / It's just two men like lovin' brothers. / One on top, and one on bottom. / One inside, and one is out. / One is screaming, he's so happy. / The other's screaming a passionate shout. / It's the Nightman, / The feeling-so-wrong-and-right man, / The feeling-so-wrong-and-right man. / I can't fight you, man, when you come inside me / And pin me down with your strong hands, / And I become the Night... / The passionate, passionate Nightman.
| Mac: All right, here's the song. (hands Dennis Charlie's lyric sheet)
Dennis: What the hell's this, a page from a coloring book?
Mac: It's a song that Charlie wrote. It's called "Nightman." Skip all the raping parts and get on stage.
| Dennis: (about Lil' Kev) Look, the guy's not retarded, OK?
Dee: What?
Dennis: Yeah, I was just saying that to mess with you.
Dee: Why? Why would you do something like that?
Dennis: I thought it'd be funny.
Dee: It's not funny. It's not funny at all! This guy's perfect for me, and you've gone and you've blown it. You've ruined everything. You are a bad, bad person. (noticing his spandex outfit) Ew. (leaves)
Dennis: All right, ready, guys?
Mac: So, that guy's not retarded?
Dennis: Oh, no, he's totally retarded.
| (Dennis barges into Charlie's apartment)
Dennis: Charlie, let's join forces.
Charlie: Hello, come right in!
Dennis: I will.
| (Charlie and Dennis write a song to the keyboard's beat)
Charlie: Dayman!
Dennis: Dayman...
Charlie: Fighter of the Nightman / Champion of the...
Dennis: Sun.
Charlie: Sun! / You're a master of karate...
Dennis: And friendship ... for everyone!
| Dee: I'm so glad we worked out. I'm sorry I was all wishy-washy before.
Lil' Kev: Yeah, girl. You was more mixed up than a milkshake, baby.
Dee: (laughs) I know. It's my brother's fault, though. You're not gonna believe this. He tried to convince me that you were retarded. (laughing) What?
Lil' Kev: (laughing) No, what?
Dee: I know.
Lil' Kev: That's bananas, girl.
Dee: You're not retarded, are you?
| Lil' Kev: (rapping) Yo, let me tell y'all a story 'bout a girl I knew, / A broke-ass bitch with a gay-ass crew. / She said that I was cute. She said that I was funny. / But the honey couldn't stop lookin' at my money. / Busted old lady with a flat tiny ass. / Her body like a skeleton in science class. / Face beat up by the school of hard knocks. / Hair so fried it bleached my Clorox. / It's like she's skinny, fat in all the wrong places. / Mothers gotta cover their babies' faces. / When she walks by people think she's Godzilla. / Straight outta Compton? Nah, y'all, straight outta "Thriller." / Lookin' like a zombie, walkin' like a chicken. / Mouth full of shit that's why her breath be stinkin'. / Just one question, Dee, before you take your bow. / This gravy train's leaving, so who's retarded now?
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Cultural References |
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Dennis: (referring to Lil' Kevin's name) I think it's just a rapper thing, Lil'...Kim.
Lil' Kim is a well-known female rapper. She received a Grammy for the remake of "Lady Marmalade" that she performed with fellow female musicians Christina Aguilera, Pink, and Mya.
| Mac: He's supposed to be like the next Eminem or something.
Eminem is a very successful white rapper.
| Mac: That could be his thing. Biggie Smalls was fat...
Biggie Smalls is a rapper who was murdered in 1997. He was indeed fat, but his name actually comes from a character in the film Let's Do It Again.
| Mac: Dude, I think we should do like a Sex Pistols thing, right? Where, uh, I'm Sid Vicious and you're Johnny Rotten!
The Sex Pistols are an English punk rock band from the '70s. Sid Vicious joined the band as the bass player after the original bassist, Glen Matlock, quit. Johnny Rotten was the band's vocalist.
| Charlie: I'm Simon, you're Garfunkel, if anything.
Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel comprise a folk rock duo. One of their most popular songs is "The Sounds of Silence."
| Mac: No, you're Axl, I'm Slash.
These are members from the hard rock band Guns N' Roses. Axl Rose is the vocalist and Slash is the former lead guitarist.
| Charlie: No, I'm Holland Oates. You're like Peter Gabriel.
Daryl Hall and John Oates (note that they're two separate people) comprise the rock/soul duo known as Hall & Oates. Peter Gabriel is an English rock musician. He was formerly the lead vocalist for the band Genesis.
| Mac: And who are you supposed to be?
Charlie: Bob Dylan, man.
Bob Dylan is a folk musician who began his career in the early '60s. One of his most recognizable songs is "Blowin' in the Wind."
| Lil' Kevin: (rapping about Dee) When she walks by people think she's Godzilla. / Straight outta Compton? Nah, y'all, straight outta "Thriller."
Godzilla is a fictional monster who first appeared in the 1954 Japanese film. Basically, he stomps around destroying the city of Tokyo. "Thriller" is a song by pop artist Michael Jackson. In the epic music video, zombies crawl from their graves and dance with Michael, who looks the scariest of all. It has scarred many, many children over the years.
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Episode Notes |
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Featured Songs |
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Episode Goofs |
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Episode References |
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Analysis |
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