Dr. House: Oh yeah. Penthouse Forum meets medical mystery. Maybe there is a God.
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Dr. Hadley: Retinal vein occlusion was fixed. Her doctor said it was a venous anomaly
Dr. House: Is he in this room? Because if he's not, I don't care what he thinks. Unless he's a she and she was there last night too, in which case I care very deeply.
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Dr. House: Thirteen, go stick a needle in your girlfriend’s pelvis. And no, that one wasn’t a metaphor. Suck out some marrow. That one was.
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Dr. Hadley: I can handle this alone.
Dr. House: You’ve already handled it. That’s why you need a chaperone. Of course, I’m a very permissive understanding chaperone. So feel free to ignore me. You know, if you’re in the mood to start kissing, or groping, or showering.
Dr. Hadley: You’ll have to excuse Dr. House. He mistakes immaturity for edginess.
Spencer: You’re Dr. House?
Dr. House: I assume my name came up last night in the form of a moan?
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Dr. Foreman: There are ways to getting to know people without committing felonies.
Dr. House: People interest me, conversations don’t.
Dr. Foreman: Because conversations go both ways.
Dr. House and Dr. Foreman: Like Thirteen.
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Dr. House: There’s eight units in this building. There’s got to be a pervert like me living in at least one of them.
Lucas: Yes, because you represent one out of every eight people living in this country.
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Dr. Foreman: I just spoke to my brother.
Dr. House: And by “brother” you mean…
Dr. Foreman: I mean my parent’s other son.
Dr. House: Wow. Same dad.
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Dr. House: I haven’t sat on this couch for four months. It remembers my cheeks.
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Dr. Wilson: House, you are a drug addict. You go to prostitutes. You can’t be judgmental.
Dr. House: And yet…
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(talking about Wilson)
Dr. House: He’s an idiot with a messiah complex. Savior to all who need saving. That’s why his first wife had a wooden leg. Second wife was Canadian.
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Spencer: How long do you have?
Dr. Hadley: Maybe a little more than you. Maybe a little less. I’ll race you.
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Dr. Foreman: Do you think… I’m boring?
Dr. Chase: Yes.
Dr. Foreman: You’re saying that just to screw with me.
Dr. Chase: Yeah. Why would you expect anything else?
Dr. Foreman: I expect House to pull my string, I expect Cameron to make me feel better, I expect the new team to kiss my ass, and I expect you to be honest, ‘cause you don’t give a crap.
Dr. Chase: Yes, you’re boring. That speech was boring.
Dr. Foreman: Thanks so much.
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Dr. Wilson: I’m actually kind of insulted. No way I’m a drug addict, but you completely buy that I fell in love with a prostitute?
Dr. House: You played to your strengths. By which I mean you played to your weaknesses. Oh my god. You invoked your dead girlfriend’s name to sell me. You’re my hero.
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Dr. House: Another life saved by girl-on-girl action.
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