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Season 3 |
| 29 :03x01 - The Thin White Line (1) (Jul/11/2001) | | Part one of two. Brian's exceptional olfactory skills nets him a job as a drug-sniffing dog, but when the job turns Brian into a cocaine addict, Brian is sent to rehab (with Peter tagging along after missing out on a vacation). | | Guest Stars: June Foray as Rocky, Leif Garrett as Himself, Thomas Dekker as Various, Wally Wingert as Various, Patrick Warburton as Joe Swanson, Nicole Sullivan as Various, Danny Smith (6) as Various, Carlos Alazraqui as Mr. Jonathan Weed, Haley Joel Osment as Various | Director: Glen Hill
Writer: Steve Callaghan | | | | | | |
| 31 :03x03 - Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington (Jul/25/2001) | | When a cigarette company takes over Happy-Go-Lucky-Toy Factory, Peter is made company president and gets sent to Washington, D.C. to convince Congress that the tobacco companies are not bent on selling cigarettes to children. | | Guest Stars: Meredith Scott Lynn as Various, Alyssa Milano as Herself, Brian Doyle-Murray as Various, Jack Sheldon as The Bill, Lane Schnaitter as Barbara Mandrell / Natalie Wood, Olivia Hack as Various, Louise DuArt as Melissa & Joan Rivers, Carlos Alazraqui as Mr. Jonathan Weed, Gary Cole as Chairman, Danny Smith (6) as Harrison, Wally Wingert as Various, Ricky Blitt as Bob Doyle (played Joel, Alyssa Milano's Lawyer) | Director: Brian Hogan
Writer: Ricky Blitt | | | |
| 32 :03x04 - One If By Clam, Two If By Sea (Aug/01/2001) | | When a hurricane hits Quahog, Horace sells the Drunken Clam, which is transformed into a British pub. Meanwhile, Stewie attempts to teach a British girl with a heavy Cockney accent how to speak proper English. | | Guest Stars: Alan Shearman as Various, Hugh Laurie as Various, Patrick Warburton as Joe Swanson, Jennifer Tilly as Bonnie Swanson, Danny Smith (6) as Various, Tara Strong as Various, Johnny Brennan (1) as Various, Lori Alan (1) as Diane Simmons, Edward Asner as Steven Bellows | Director: Dan Povenmire
Writer: Jim Bernstein, Michael Shipley | | | |
| 33 :03x05 - And the Wiener is... (Aug/08/2001) | | Peter questions his masculinity when he finds out his son, Chris, has a bigger penis than he does. Meanwhile, Meg joins the flag girl squad in an attempt to be one of the popular kids. | | Guest Stars: Debra Wilson as Various, Lisa Wilhoit as Various, Patrick Duffy (1) as Jack, Patrick Warburton as Joe Swanson, Tara Strong as Various, Danny Smith (6) as Various, Rachael MacFarlane as Various | Director: Bert Ring
Writer: Matt Weitzman, Mike Barker (1) | | | | | | |
| 35 :03x07 - Lethal Weapons (Aug/22/2001) | | Lois takes martial arts to fight back against the New Yorkers who have overrun Quahog, but Lois worries that her violent antics may have a bad influence on her family. | | Guest Stars: Alastair Sherman as Various, Peter Gallagher (1) as Jared Fellows, Michael Chiklis as Bronx Guy, Patrick Warburton as Joe Swanson, Jennifer Tilly as Bonnie Swanson, Nicole Sullivan as Various, Danny Smith (6) as Various, Phil LaMarr as Various, Johnny Brennan (1) as Horace (Bronx Guy #2), Lori Alan (1) as Diane Simmons | Director: Brian Hogan
Writer: Chris Sheridan | | | |
| 36 :03x08 - The Kiss Seen Around the World (Aug/29/2001) | | Meg goes for an internship at Quahog News 5 in order to get closer to her crush, Tom Tucker, but is disgusted when pervy class nerd, Neil Goldman, lands the internship as well. Meanwhile, Stewie fights back against a bully who stole his tricycle. | | Guest Stars: Nicole Sullivan as Muriel Goldman, Adam West as Mayor Adam West, Michael Chiklis as Mechanic / Cartoony Crewman, Hugh Downs as Himself, Mark Hentemann as Chief McKenzie, D. D. Howard (1) as Jane Fonda, Lisa Wilhoit as Connie DiMico, Tara Strong as Beth (Classmate / Teenage Girl), Danny Smith (6) as The Mass Media Murderer, Abe Vigoda as Himself, Lori Alan (1) as Diane Simmons, Mike Barker (1) as The Buff Guy, Johnny Brennan (1) as Mort Goldman / Horace, Gary Cole as Principal Shepherd, Ralph Garman as Dustin Hoffman, Phil LaMarr as Minister | Director: Pete Michels (1)
Writer: Mark Hentemann | | | |
| 37 :03x09 - Mr. Saturday Knight (Sep/05/2001) | | Peter, once again, finds himself out of work when his boss, Mr. Weed, dies, and the toy factory gets demolished in order to make a disease control center. After unsuccessfully trying to hold down a series of jobs (including prostituting himself), Peter becomes a Renaissance fair knight, who must fight his idol, The Black Knight. | | Guest Stars: David Berry (1) as Bobby (Kid #1), Johnny Brennan (1) as Mort Goldman (Mafioso), Jackson Douglas as Vaccuum Repairman, Will Ferrell (1) as Black Knight, Jimmy Kimmel as Death's Dog (Man in Suit / Renaissance Guy), Justin Koznar as Alfalfa (Kid #2), Rachael MacFarlane as Margot Kidder (Barbara / Maid Madeline), Phil LaMarr as Ollie Williams (Minister / Pimp), Adam Carolla as Death, Charles Durning as Francis Griffin, R. Lee Ermey as Coach, Lori Alan (1) as Diane Simmons, Carlos Alazraqui as Mr. Jonathan Weed, Ralph Garman as Gene Rayburn | Director: Michael Dante DiMartino (1)
Writer: Steve Callaghan | | | |
| 38 :03x10 - Fish Out of Water (Sep/19/2001) | | Now overweight and still unemployed, Peter chooses Fishing as his new career. But when the pickings are slim, Peter puts his house in debt to buy a boat he can use to hunt Daggermouth, a famous fish which would earn him a lot of cash. Meanwhile, Lois takes Meg to spring break and teaches her how to have a good time, a little too well. | | Guest Stars: Lisa Wilhoit as Various, Brian Doyle-Murray as Salty, Michael Chiklis as Hennessey, Patrick Warburton as Joe Swanson, Danny Smith (6) as Various, Phil LaMarr as Various, Ralph Garman as Various, Gary Cole as Various | Director: Bert Ring
Writer: Alex Borstein, Mike Henry (1) | | | |
| 39 :03x11 - Emission Impossible (Nov/08/2001) | | When Peter and Lois help Lois's sister, Carol, have a baby, Peter and Lois decide to have another child, which doesn't sit well with Stewie. | | Guest Stars: Wallace Shawn as Bertram, Shawn Pyfrom as Oliver, D. D. Howard (1) as Carol Brady, David Berry (1) as Bobby, Majel Barrett as Computer Voice, Adam West as Mayor Adam West, Patrick Warburton as Joe Swanson, Gary Cole as Mike Brady (Thug #1), Mike Barker (1) as Smurf #2, Carol Kane (1) as Carol Pewterschmidt | Director: Peter Shin
Writer: Ken Goin, Dave Collard | | Songs: Eric Carmen -- Hungry Eyes, Joe Cocker -- Up Where We Belong | | | |
| 40 :03x12 - To Live and Die in Dixie (Nov/15/2001) | | When Chris witnesses a robbery, the FBI sends the Griffin's into the witness protection program in the South. Once there, Chris befriends a boy named Sam. Meanwhile, Peter pisses off the Southerners during a Civil War Reenactment, and Chris becomes greatly confused when Sam kisses him. Back at home, one of the FBI agents accidentally lets the Griffin's location out, and the robber comes looking for them. | | Guest Stars: Kathleen Wilhoite as Sam, Waylon Jennings as Himself (“Dukes of Hazzard” type voiceover), Dakota Fanning as Girl (“My daughter would absolutely love you”), Brian Dunkleman as Buck Owens, Danny Smith (6) as Officer Horowitz (Mr. Stevenson), Rachael MacFarlane as Various, Ralph Garman as Agent Jenkins (Paul Simon / Jeff Foxworthy) | Director: Dan Povenmire
Writer: Steve Callaghan | | | |
| 41 :03x13 - Screwed The Pooch (Nov/29/2001) | | Peter finally begins to impress Carter, and the two become friends after Peter gives Carter a tip on beating Ted Turner in poker, but the friendship is shattered when a horny Brian has sex with Carter's favorite race dog, Sea Breeze. | | Guest Stars: Jane Lynch as Dotty Campbell (Barbara / Mrs Ramsey / British Mom), Don LaFontaine as FOX Announcer, Bob Barker as Himself, Patrick Warburton as Joe Swanson, Phil LaMarr as Judge (Doctor / Lawyer), Ralph Garman as Ted Turner (Motel Clerk / Veterinarian), Johnny Brennan (1) as Mort Goldman | Director: Pete Michels (1)
Writer: Ken Goin, Dave Collard | | | |
| 42 :03x14 - Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother? (Dec/06/2001) | After Chris starts talking “street”, Peter decides to teach him about the Griffin ancestry.
He finds out he had a black ancestor named Nate Griffin who was owned by the Pewterschmidt family.
Meanwhile, Stewie goes undercover as a cheerleader. | | Guest Stars: Kim Parks as Tonya, Meredith Scott Lynn as Girl, Wayne Collins (1) as Basketball Player (League Member), Wally Wingert as Cameraman (Museum Guide / Scientist #3), Tara Strong as Cindi (Waitress), Danny Smith (6) as The Leper (Announcer / Scientist #2), Kevin Michael Richardson (2) as Black Professor (League Member #2), Rachael MacFarlane as Jill (Animatronic Wife / Animatronic Irish Woman), Phil LaMarr as Donald (Chapter President / Rapper / Black Comedian), Chris Cox as George W. Bush, Gary Cole as Cop (Coach) | Director: Scott Wood
Writer: Matt Weitzman, Mike Barker (1) | | | |
| 43 :03x15 - Ready, Willing, and Disabled (Dec/20/2001) | Peter helps Joe raise his spirits after he fails to capture a crook in a Jimmy Carter mask by training him for the Special Olympics.
Meanwhile, Meg, Chris, and Stewie find a money clip containing $26.00 and fight over who gets to keep it. | | Guest Stars: David Berry (1) as Various, Valerie Bertinelli as Herself, Mark Hentemann as Various, Alex Rocco as Bea Arthur, Wally Wingert as Various, Adam West as Mayor Adam West, Patrick Warburton as Joe Swanson, Danny Smith (6) as Various, Johnny Brennan (1) as Various, Lori Alan (1) as Diane Simmons, Tony Danza as Himself | Director: Andi Klein
Writer: Alex Barnow, Marc Firek | | | |
| 44 :03x16 - A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas (Dec/21/2001) | In this Christmas episode, Lois struggles to keep her Yuletide cheer after Peter accidentally gives away the family's Christmas presents and Brian sets the kitchen on fire.
Meanwhile, Stewie makes a conscious choice to be good to impress Santa. | | Guest Stars: Peter Criss as Himself, Ace Frehley as Himself, Gene Simmons as Himself, Paul Stanley (1) as Himself, Paul Rugg as Frosty the Snowman/Kid #1, Hynden Walch as Kid #3, John Kassir as George Bailey/Kid #2, Wally Wingert as Various, Patrick Warburton as Joe Swanson, Jennifer Tilly as Bonnie Swanson, Danny Smith (6) as Various | Director: Brian Hogan
Writer: Danny Smith (6) | | | |
| 45 :03x17 - Brian Wallows and Peter's Swallows (Jan/17/2002) | When Brian gets busted for a DUI, he is sentenced to care for a bitter, old, reclusive woman.
Meanwhile, Peter grows a beard, and ends up housing a family of baby birds. | | Guest Stars: Wally Wingert as Various, A. J. Benza as Himself, Adria Firestone as Various, Melora Hardin as Various, Jane Lynch as Various, Adam West as Mayor Adam West, Patrick Warburton as Joe Swanson, Nicole Sullivan as Various, Phil LaMarr as Various, Butch Hartman as Various, Gary Cole as Various, Mike Barker (1) as Various, Lori Alan (1) as Diane Simmons | Director: Dan Povenmire
Writer: Allison Adler | | | |
| 46 :03x18 - From Method to Madness (Jan/24/2002) | | Peter and Lois find it hard to understand a family of nudists they meet, and forbid Meg to see their son who actually likes her. Meanwhile, Stewie enrolls in an acting school, and must team up with his enemy Olivia in order to stay. | | Guest Stars: Mark Paredes as Pasqual, Denis Martell as Santos, Jane Lynch as Dotty Campbell, Rachael MacFarlane as Olivia Fuller, Ralph Garman as Bernie, Chris Cox as Jeff Campbell, Fred Willard as Dave Campell | Director: Bert Ring
Writer: Mike Barker (1), Matt Weitzman | | | |
| 47 :03x19 - Stuck Together, Torn Apart (Jan/31/2002) | Out of fear of Peter's jealousy, Lois sneaks around to meet with an old boyfriend.
When Peter sees her with out w/ the man, the truth comes out, and Lois suggests they enter marriage counseling.
The counselor suggests the spend some time apart, and date other people.
Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian get accidentally super glued together at the hand, and must remain that way for a week. | | Guest Stars: Meredith Scott Lynn as Various, Jennifer Love Hewitt as Herself, Gilbert Gottfried as Mort Goldmen, Patrick Warburton as Joe Swanson, Nicole Sullivan as Various, Danny Smith (6) as Various, Chris Cox as Various, Gary Cole as Various, Johnny Brennan (1) as Various, Mike Barker (1) as Various | Director: Michael Dante DiMartino (1)
Writer: Mark Hentemann | | | |
| 48 :03x20 - Road to Europe (Feb/07/2002) | Believing he would have a better life, Stewie runs off to “Jolly Farms”, a British made children's television show.
Peter and Lois travel to KISS-Stock. | | Guest Stars: Michelle Horn as Various, Don LaFontaine as Various, Jane Lynch as Various, Michael McKean as Pengrove Pig, Gene Simmons as Himself, Paul Stanley (1) as Various, Lauren Graham as Mother Maggie, Sean Flynn as Various, Fred Willard as Various, Chris Cox as Various, Phil LaMarr as Various, Wally Wingert as Various, Andy Dick as Himself, Jon Favreau (1) as Various | Director: Dan Povenmire
Writer: Daniel Palladino | | | |
| 49 :03x21 - Family Guy Viewer Mail #1 (Feb/14/2002) | This episode was a special episode, divided up into 3 different stories apparently submitted by viewers. The story lines were different from any others in the series, and had no effect on it. The episode was hosted by Stewie and Brian.
Li'l Griffins: In the first Li'l Rascal styled segment, the boys are anti-girl, until they meet Lois who says that she likes a brave man. In order to prove to her who is the bravest, they try to stake it out overnight in a haunted house.
No Bones About It: Peter opens a bottle of beer and a Genie bursts out, telling him he has 3 wishes. In order to escape being beaten up, for his last wish, he wishes he had no bones. He escapes from the beating, but becomes a big strain on the family.
Super Griffins: When the Griffin's are hit with radioactive waste, the each gain a super power. At first the vow to use their powers only for good, but it quickly goes to their heads. | | Guest Stars: Wally Wingert as Various, Bill Goldberg (2) as Bonebreaker, Judy Greer as Various, Kerrigan Mahan as Various, Regis Philbin as Himself, Lane Schnaitter as Various, Michael Winslow as Various, Adam West as Mayor Adam West, Patrick Warburton as Joe Swanson, Kelly Ripa as Herself, Lori Alan (1) as Diane Simmons, Johnny Brennan (1) as Various, Adam Carolla as Death, Gary Cole as Various, Chris Cox as Various, Rachael MacFarlane as Various | Directors: Pete Michels (1), Scott Wood, Michael Dante DiMartino (1)
Writer: Seth MacFarlane, Gene Laufenberg, Michael Shipley, Jim Bernstein | | | |
| 50 :03x22 - When You Wish Upon a Weinstein (Dec/10/2004) | | When Peter loses a big amount of money on an insurance scam, he decides he needs a Jewish man to control his money. Coincidentally, one happens to have car problems in front of his house. The Jewish man does great, and saves Peter a lot of money. This makes Peter decide that in order to be successful in life, Chris needs to become Jewish. Instead of studying hard, Peter takes Chris to Las Vegas for a Vegas Bar Mitzvah. | | Guest Stars: Mary Scheer as Various, Peter Riegert as Various, Ricky Blitt as Various, Andrea Beutner as Various, Wally Wingert as Various, Nicole Sullivan as Various, Danny Smith (6) as Various, Phil LaMarr as Various, Mike Barker (1) as Various, Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker, Ed McMahon as Himself, Ben Stein as Rabbi Goldberg | Director: Dan Povenmire
Writer: Ricky Blitt | | | |
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