Eli: You look beautiful today, Patti. That color suits you.
Patti: Oh! You finally got yourself some. I was wondering if you'd taken a vow of chastity.
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Eli: Thanks for coming.
Keith: Hey, no problem. I was just thinking how my day could use a good body cavity search.
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Genny Clarke: Sure. I'll testify... when pigs can fly faster than the speed of light--in effect, slowing time so that when they return to Earth, they'll find out that Hell has frozen over.
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(to Eli)
Nathan: Oh my god, you finally let the little attorney out of his briefs.
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Taylor: What do you think? This makes me look fat, right?
Matt: No, I think it's the pregnancy that does that. But the pregnancy also makes you glow.
Taylor: I look like a boat.
Matt: A beautiful pregnant boat.
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Taylor: You know, I hate it when you're right.
Matt: That's why I rarely am.
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Maggie: I just... I told her you were special.
Eli: Ohh! That's code for weirdo! No wonder she acted strange when I told her about my vision. You had her primed to think that I'm crazy town.
Maggie: Well , why did you tell her about your vision in the first place? You had three dates.
Eli: Four.
Maggie: Oh, right, I forgot--third date, sex, fourth date, tell her you're a prophet.
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Eli: Think of prophet as a schmancy title like duke, or viscount.
Ashley Cardiff: That's an interesting perspective.
Eli: What is a viscount, anyway?
Ashley Cardiff: I don't know. Half a count?
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Keith: You ready?
Eli: Keith, I've got mojo, and it's rising. I'm going to kick some serious ass, I can feel it.
Keith: Okay, you're frightening me now.
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Beth Keller: Ashley's a very lucky woman, Eli. You're a catch.
Eli: Oh, yeah? How come you never returned my calls after our night at college?
Beth Keller: It was your first time. Our "night" was a little more like 30 seconds.
Eli: Oh yeah.
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UK (
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