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Season 1 |
| 1 :01x01 - Pilot (Feb/06/2005) | | Steve finds himself unable to score with Lisa Silver, a sexy cheerleader, so Stan helps him by rigging the school election to name him student body president. Meanwhile, Francine cuts off Roger's junk food supply, and Roger uses Hayley to get his fix by writing her term papers. | | Guest Stars: Curtis Armstrong as Schmuley “Snot” Lonstein, Carmen Electra as Lisa Silver, Chris Cox as George W. Bush, Daisuke Suzuki (1) as Toshi, Bradford N. Smith (2) as Various, Mike Henry (1) as Jackson, Charlie, Mike Barker (1) as Terry Bates, Eddie Kaye Thomas (1) as Barry, Stephen Root as Dick, Busy Philipps as Dana, Ralph Garman as Hazmat Guy | Director: Ron Hughart Writer: Seth MacFarlane, Mike Barker (1), Matt Weitzman | | | |
| 2 :01x02 - Threat Levels (May/01/2005) | | After a deadly virus scare, Francine wishes to do more with her life and becomes a real estate agent, making Stan feel insecure. Meanwhile, Hayley uses one of the houses in her mother's portfolio to set up a homeless shelter, though Steve wants to stage fights between the homeless after his attempt at making a "Girls Gone Wild"-style video series fails. | | Guest Stars: Daisuke Suzuki (1) as Toshi, Mike Henry (1) as Jackson, Charlie, Mike Barker (1) as Terry, Eddie Kaye Thomas (1) as Barry, Sarah Silverman as Stripper, Curtis Armstrong as Schmuley “Snot” Lonstein | Director: Brent Woods Writer: David Zuckerman | | Songs: Van Halen -- Unchained | | | | | | |
| 4 :01x04 - Francine's Flashback (May/15/2005) | | After forgetting his anniversary, Stan arranges to have the last 20 hours of Francine's memory erased, but a bungling technician accidentally erases 20 years, making Francine think she's a wild and carefree teenager from 1985. Meanwhile, Steve asks out Lindsay Coolidge, a popular girl from school, who will only accept if Steve finds someone to date her ugly-as-sin best friend. | | Guest Stars: Patrick Stewart as Avery Bullock, Jeff Fischer (1) as Jeff Fischer, Phill Lewis as Duper, Mike Henry (1) as Charlie, Jason Marsden as Gertie | Directors: Caleb Meurer, Brent Woods Writer: Kenny Schwartz, Rick Wiener | | Songs: Queens of the Stone Age -- Never Say Never | | | | | | | | | |
| 7 :01x07 - Deacon Stan, Jesus Man (Jun/19/2005) | | Stan, wanting to beat his rival at something, volunteers to become a replacement deacon against him after the previous deacon died. Meanwhile, Roger is going through his reproductive cycle and, in the process, accidentally impregnates Steve. | | Guest Stars: Josh Groban as Whiny Parishoner, Mike Henry (1) as Jackson, Mike Barker (1) as Agent, Patrick Stewart as Avery Bullock, Stephen Root as Dick | Director: John Aoshima Writer: Nahnatchka Khan (1) | | | |
| 8 :01x08 - Bullocks to Stan (Sep/11/2005) | | Stan finds Deputy Director Bullock, his supervisor, starting a relationship with Hayley. However, he can't risk saying or doing anything about it because he's up for a promotion at the CIA. Meanwhile, Steve finds Dick Cheney's BlackBerry and uses the contact numbers to play pranks on political figures from around the world. | | Guest Stars: Billy West as Crowd in Diner, Stephen Root as Dick, Mike Henry (1) as Jackson, Chris Edgerly as Waitress #2, Crowd in the diner, Candi Milo as Waitress #1, Jeff Fischer (1) as Jeff Fischer, Patrick Stewart as Avery Bullock | Director: Brent Woods Writer: Alison McDonald | | Songs: Crowded House -- Don't Dream, It's Over, Oingo Boingo's -- Little Girls, Unknown -- Under Paris Skies (Sous le ciel de Paris) | | | |
| 9 :01x09 - A Smith in the Hand (Sep/18/2005) | | Stan decides to teach Steve sex ed himself, teaching him the "evils" of masturbation. However, Stan suffers an embarrassing accident, and his ointment use turns into an addiction to masturbation. Meanwhile, Roger becomes a bartender after Hayley insults him about wasting his days drinking and watching sleazy reality shows. | | Guest Stars: Kevin Michael Richardson (2) as Principal Lewis, TV Announcer, Peter MacKenzie (1) as Dr. Grossbard, Senator #1, Scott Menville as Timmy, Kids, Wendy Schaal as Delta Burke, Seth MacFarlane as Deacon, Greg Corbin, Mike Barker (1) as Dr. Heisler, Terry Bates, Mike Henry (1) as Senator #2 | Director: Pam Cooke Writer: David Hemingson | | Songs: Carmina Burana -- O Fortuna | | | |
| 10 :01x10 - All About Steve (Sep/25/2005) | | Stan discovers and is ashamed of Steve's geekiness and disowns him, only to discover he needs his help to catch a cyber-terrorist on an online game. Meanwhile, Roger tries to find a suitable job that will allow him to interact with humans. | | Guest Stars: Catero Colbert as Derek Jeter, Stephen Root as Dick, Dentist's Father, Jon Ross as Alien Man, Brian Posehn as Dan Vebber, Stephen Colbert as Dentist, Mike Barker (1) as Terry Bates, Skinny Man, Patrick Stewart as Avery Bullock, Seth MacFarlane as Deacon, Greg Corbin, Curtis Armstrong as Schmuley “Snot” Lonstein, Eddie Kaye Thomas (1) as Barry, Mike Henry (1) as Jackson, Taco King, Daisuke Suzuki (1) as Toshi | Director: Mike Kim (1) Writer: Chris McKenna (2), Matt McKenna | | Songs: Looper -- Mondo '77 | | | | | | |
| 12 :01x12 - Stan of Arabia (1) (Nov/06/2005) | | Part one of two. After doing a terrible job standing in for Jay Leno at Bullock's anniversary roast, Stan is reassigned to Saudi Arabia. While his family begins to go through hell, Stan discovers all of his greatest fantasies come true under the male-dominated society. | | Guest Stars: André Sogliuzzo as Manager, Wally Wingert as Jay Leno, Neal Feinberg as Khalid, April Stewart as Salima, Bahir, Jeff Fischer (1) as Jeff Fischer, Odile Corso as Angelina Jolie, Brian George (2) as Ali, Fred Tatasciore as Poilce Officer #2, Jeff Bennett as Mahmood, Jill Talley as Mom, Dalia, Patrick Stewart as Avery Bullock, Mike Henry (1) as Jackson, Michael Moore, Faziz, Stephen Root as Dick, Peter Lurie as Mysterious Fellow, Paget Brewster as Woman, Thundercat | Director: Rodney Clouden Writer: Nahnatchka Khan (1) | | Songs: Clash -- Rock the Casbah | | | |
| 13 :01x13 - Stan of Arabia (2) (Nov/13/2005) | | Conclusion. Stan has renounced his American citizenship to live in Saudi Arabia, though his family finds themselves in their own awkward situations that lead them to getting sentenced to death by stoning. Meanwhile, Roger is wooed by an Arab prince. | | Guest Stars: Brian George (2) as Ali, Prince, Guy #3, Mike Henry (1) as Faziz, Announcer #2, Neal Feinberg as Khalid, Zacharias, Defense Attorney, Zuhair Haddad as Old Guy, Police Officer #3, Grant Heslov as Man #2, Announcer #4, Paget Brewster as Thundercat, Oded Fehr as Kazim, Peter Lurie as Mystery Fellow, Gina Gershon as Woman, American Girl #1, Odile Corso as God, Fred Tatasciore as Police Officer #2, Judge, Patrick Stewart as Avery Bullock | Director: Anthony Lioi Writer: Craig Thomas, Carter Bays | | Songs: Christopher Cross -- Sailing | | | |
| 14 :01x14 - Stannie Get Your Gun (Nov/20/2005) | | The National Gun Association is having a meeting at Stan’s house, which is against what Hayley believes in. Her belief is that guns kill people, while Stan thinks its people that kill people. Their argument gets them against each other, but Stan cooks up a plan in which Hayley is forced to shoot a (fake) burglar. When she finds out what the plan was, she gets furious and accidentally shoots Stan (paralyzing him), but when Stan becomes the chairman for the NGA, he needs her help in order to get the extra job. Meanwhile, Steve believes he is adopted because of several pranks done by Roger (in revenge). | | Guest Stars: Beau Bridges as Doctor, Lieutenant Thacker, John Carroll Lynch (1) as Acl-Lou, Mr. Simms, Monkey, Elias Koteas as Jim, Mike Barker (1) as Terry Bates, Mr. Madsen, Michael, Jill Talley as Little Girl's Mom, Ramona, Seth MacFarlane as Greg Corbin | Director: John Aoshima Writer: Brian Boyle | | | |
| 15 :01x15 - Star Trek (Nov/27/2005) | | Steve's story about a drunken Roger becomes a bestselling children's book, but the fame goes to his head after Stan and Francine exploit him and Steve's new agent convinces him to divorce his parents. | | Guest Stars: Jim Wise as Mr. Durbin, Curtis Armstrong as Schmuley “Snot” Lonstein, Daisuke Suzuki (1) as Toshi, Leslie Jordan as Mr. Beauregard, Jill Talley as Boob Woman, Old Woman, Eddie Kaye Thomas (1) as Barry, Spike, Matt McKenna as Kevin, Cap'n Monty, Bryan Cranston as Publisher | Director: Mike Kim (1) Writer: Chris McKenna (2), Matt McKenna | | Songs: Glenn Miller -- In the Mood | | | | | | |
| 17 :01x17 - Rough Trade (Jan/08/2006) | | In this less magical homage to "Freaky Friday," Stan and Roger switch places to see who has it tougher, leading authorities to believe that Stan is a horrible husband and father after finding nude pictures of Steve, monkeys in the basement, and a delirious Francine with a black eye. | | Guest Stars: Beau Bridges as Lieutenant Goldberg, Jason Lee (1) as Officer Bays, Andy Richter as Philip, Mike Barker (1) as Contestant, Terry, Patrick Stewart as Avery Bullock, Jill Talley as Senator Feinstein, Maria, Rob Tinkler (1) as Doyle, Fusfeld, Ron Livingston as Bob Memari, Megyn Price as Linda Memari | Director: Pam Cooke Writer: David Zuckerman | | Songs: Sonny and Cher -- I Got You Babe | | | |
| 18 :01x18 - Finances With Wolves (Jan/29/2006) | | Stan gets a big bonus at work, and uses it to buy extravagant gadgets for himself, while Francine begs him to invest some of it in her dream to own a muffin kiosk. Meanwhile, Klaus's brain gets put into the body of a human, Hayley protests against the demolition of a forest, and Steve thinks he's a werewolf. | | Guest Stars: Daisuke Suzuki (1) as Toshi, Nicole Sullivan as Janice, David Herman as Arboreus, Mr. Aids, Eddie Kaye Thomas (1) as Barry, Mike Barker (1) as Ticket Guy, Terry, Valet, Curtis Armstrong as Schmuley “Snot” Lonstein, Peter MacKenzie (1) as Chief Shopaholic, Midnight Runner #1, Salesman | Director: Albert Calleros Writer: Neal Boushell, Sam O'Neal | | Songs: Flavor Flav -- 911 is a joke, Earth, Wind, and Fire. -- September | | | |
| 19 :01x19 - It's Good to be Queen (Feb/26/2006) | | Stan has emotional issues with the Homecoming because of what happened at his high school one. So he's extremely excited to go to Francine's high school reunion, where he can dance with her (she was the Homecoming Queen) in front of everyone. However, at the Reunion, they find some missing votes, meaning Francine wasn't really the Homecoming Queen. Meanwhile, a pizza delivery man teaches Steve and Roger about love and forgiveness. | | Guest Stars: Dayna Devin (1) as Girl In Line, Ioan Gruffudd (1) as Gabriel Byrne, Medic, Matt McKenna as Coach Patterson, David Zuckerman as Housekeeper, Betty Sue, Jeff Fischer (1) as Jeff Fischer, Donnie Patterson, Jon Cryer as Quacky, Leigh-Allyn Baker as Margie, Jeremy Sisto as Mitch, Mike Henry (1) as Jackson, Maitre D', Stephen Root as Dick, Mike Barker (1) as Jock #2 | Director: Rodney Clouden Writer: Alison McDonald | | Songs: The Look of Love -- ABC, INXS -- Never Tear Us Apart | | | |
| 20 :01x20 - Roger 'n Me (Apr/23/2006) | | Stan visits Atlantic City for his "best friend's" bachelor party, only to find out he was never invited. Roger steps in and becomes Stan's new best friend. They get drunk one night, and engage in some sort of alien friendship ceremony, which takes their friendship to a whole new level. Meanwhile, Steve and Hayley team up to break up a couple. | | Guest Stars: Laura Linney as Doctor Gupta, Wendie Jo Sperber as Herself (Best Buddiez Host), John Torbett as Bobo, Mike Barker (1) as Frank / Terry, Peter Scolari as Himself (Best Buddiez Host), Peter Facinelli as Miles, Jennie Garth as Trudy | Director: Anthony Lioi Writer: Rick Wiener, Kenny Schwartz | | Songs: Edie Brickell -- Circle, Queen -- Don't Stop Me Now, Pet Shop Boys -- West End Girls | | | |
| 21 :01x21 - Helping Handis (Apr/30/2006) | | After watching Hayley's student film that paints Francine as a boring housewife, Francine becomes determined to start a new career as a surgeon. Meanwhile, Stan gets Steve on the school water polo team, but when Steve fails, Stan gives him steroids...with an unusual side effect. | | Guest Stars: André Sogliuzzo as Deaf Teddy / Blind Jimmy, Kevin Michael Richardson (2) as Monty, Fred Tatasciore as Johnny Four-Legs, Mike Barker (1) as Nick, John DiMaggio as Sully, Eddie Kaye Thomas (1) as Barry, John Cho as Vince Chung, Matt McKenna as Coach Andrews | Director: Caleb Meurer Writer: Nahnatchka Khan (1) | | Songs: Def Leppard -- Pour Some Sugar On Me | | | | | | | | | |
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